Friday, January 6, 2017

Holding On, Letting Go {Honest thoughts on preparing to have TWO kids}

It's January, which means this is the month that we will most likely become a family of FOUR! I know every Mama battles many different emotions as she is on the verge of welcoming her second born and I am no exception.

I am feeling every range of emotion as I prepare to make room in my heart and in my mind for another child. I have absolutely no doubt that I will love Alder immensely and that I will adore watching him and Aiden become buddies, but when I look into my firstborns eyes I can only help feel I am betraying him a little.

For 2 years, he has been my focus. His every need has been put before mine.

My face is the first one he sees when he wakes up and the last one he sees before he falls asleep.

I know exactly what to do to help him feel better when he is sad and know what to say to make him laugh one of his big belly laughs.

I can decipher his funny little phrases and I know what he wants before he asks for it.

Right now, I can drop what I'm doing and bake cookies when he requests it.

I can pick him up and hold him for a nap when he isn't feeling well.

I can bring him in to bed with me to snuggle for a few extra minutes when we are both not quite ready to start the day yet.

I can hold him on my lap and read book after book as he requests them.

And his little world is about to be rocked. Just typing that I feel guilty and my eyes fill with tears.

But I know I'm not the first Mom to go through this and Aiden is not the first child who has to learn to share his parents. I know that this will be a hard season of learning to balance, but I also know it will have many joy filled moments. There will be a day when Aiden won't remember life before Alder. I also pray that there will be a day that he will thank me for giving him his best friend.

So for now I am praying for Aiden's heart. That he will continue to feel so very loved and that he will embrace his role as big brother. That we will learn what works for us and that I will be able to both hold on tightly to this sweet time and let it go.

And now I'm going to go hold Aiden and rock in the corner as I cry...haha. 
But really, that's where I'll be. 
Mom life at it's finest.


Rach said...


You've got this, momma!

Kaity said...

Been there, Mama. The first few weeks will be hard, but I promise it becomes your new normal faster than you think.

So many hugs ❤️❤️❤️

Amy @ A Desert Girl said...

This tugs at my heartstrings something fierce! Definitely my biggest reservation about having a second kid (well that and what if they don't sleep well at night?? I'm a little selfish and spoiled!). Can my heart even handle loving another human as much as I love Ava??

I said this on your Instagram post, but really - go read Waiting for Birdy. You will love it.

Unknown said...

My dear sweet Allison,
Your sweet thoughts remind me of someone very special to both of us. Your Momma.
I remember looking at her, as she held you, you could see the concern in her eyes and heart that you speak of.
When Alyssa was born, God created another loving, beautiful little girl. Her big sister fell in love with her the moment she saw her. The bond between you both began at that moment. You understood, you shared, you loved. The love between siblings is one of God's greatest gifts, as you know.
You have taught Aiden love. Trust in God for the rest. Love you sweetpea.

The Lady Okie said...

You will be a fantastic mother to both your beautiful babies, but I understand these feelings. I'm sure it will be an adjustment but then you'll wonder how you ever lived without two babies to love on :)

The Girl who Loved to Write said...

Well. I'm sobbing. You are such a good mom!

Anonymous said...

This honestly made me cry, because I'm - in a sense - preparing to write my own blog post like this. My second is due in May, and I'm already wrestling with those feelings... My little guy will no longer be the only 'baby' that I care for, love, cherish, and raise.
Thank you for writing with such honesty! I'm sure that everything will be just fine! :) But as I said, I completely understand those very real feelings.

Unknown said...

You are not alone, my friend. I was there with Anna, and now that I'm about to have my third, I wonder how Theo will do being in the middle. Enjoy these last few weeks just the three of you. They are sweet times but I'm confident it'll just get sweeter when Alder comes along ❤