Friday, July 19, 2013

Being intentional in your marriage

Our 4 year anniversary was yesterday (see my letter to my husband here) and I just can't believe how quickly time has gone by. Time flies when you're married and having fun I guess.

This summer Drew and I have been more intentional about making time for each other and being intentional with our time. Instead of waking up and going straight for the tv remote or our laptops, we decided to make a new house technology before 10 am. This may not seem like a big deal, but we had gotten in our summer routine (since we are both teachers and off work) of waking up an flicking on the tv. right away. So in our extra technology free time we decided to sit out on our back porch, do a devotional and just talk.

We had been looking forever for a good book on marriage, but have yet to find one that struck our fancy that we hadn't already read so we used a plan on YouVersion and we loved it. To help guide some of our conversation we started asking each other these questions from Today's Letters once a week to check in.

1. How did you feel loved this past week?
2. What does your upcoming week look like?
3. How would you feel most loved & encouraged in the days ahead?
4. How would you best feel pursued in intimacy this week?
5. How can I pray for you this week? 

It can be so easy to just coexist with one another, but it is so important to go beyond that in your marriage and be intentional in the things you do and say to one another.

Be intentional in spending quality time together
Be intentional in giving each other compliments
Be intentional in praying together
Be intentional in taking care of yourself (exercising, eating right, putting on lipstick) for your husband
Be intentional in putting your husband's needs first (this doesn't mean you don't have a say, marriage is about give and take)
Be intentional in making each other laugh
Be intentional in taking time to surprise each other (love notes in lunches, randomly doing the laundry when that's not your usual "thing", giving your spouse the night off from cooking/cleaning, etc.)
Be intentional in encouraging one another

Ephesians 9:9-10 (MESSAGE)
"Relish life with the spouse you love each and every day of your precarious life. Each day is God's gift...Make the most of each one! Whatever turns up, grab it and do it. And heartily!" 

Going into year number 4, I want to relish each and every day with the man I love most!


Amanda said...

I love the 5 questions! I think asking each other those things is a good way to make sure your love needs are both being met. Thanks for sharing!

Rach said...

YES. This is all so true. Being intentional in marriage is vital otherwise it can be so easy to just take each other for granted. I love that you guys spend time together just talking about your relationship and being in scripture together. That's beautiful.

Betty said...

I love those weekly questions and the fact that you guys are committing to no technology before 10am (that's tough!). I think I might ask my husband these questions soon...Have a great weekend!

Becca Moss said...

I just love this post. So much.

Emily @ Emmy June said...

Love it!


Erin LFF said...

I LOVE this post, Allison! You two are an amazing couple and I love what you guys are doing, too. We have made technology rules too for various situations, and I think it has certainly helped us talk more, communicate better, and even just be more productive at life in general together!! :)

Susannah said...

What a great post! It's so true that having a good marriage really does take intention. A great book Nate and I read about marriage was "When Sinners Say I Do." It's such a wonderful book all about grace in marriage!

Erica said...

I'm so glad you linked back to this post and I got to read it! How important, and such an encouragement :) thank you <3